


A New Heda

by orphan_account



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-07-29 01:07:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7664368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa is a 16 year old nightblood. She has trained to be Heda from the time she found out she was natblida. So when Jaxson, the Commander before her, dies she is forced to leave Trikru and everything she has always known as home to go to Polis and fight to the death. How will she handle killing children she grew up with? How will she handle finally forcing herself to close off the emotions Titus claims are weaknesses? And what will she do with those that will eventually challenge her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Control

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work for the 100 and my first work published to AO3. I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are my own.

**I sat alone, in bed ‘till the morning.**

**I’m crying they’re coming for me.**

Jaxson was dead. The horn had sounded and the red smoke was burning for all to see from Polis. Lexa had come to see the Commander as a father figure of sorts. Her own parents had been taken by the Mountain. From the age of six, Jaxson had helped to raise her. And now he was gone. Lexa hadn’t been able to stop the silent sobs or the tears rolling down her face as she waited for the dawn. Dawn to start the Conclave.

She sat alone in her bed, her eyes glued to the red smoke still spewing from the top of the Commander’s Tower. She wondered how he had gone. She knew in a way. He had been at war, leading Trikru into battle against the Azgedakru. She was sure he died in battle. That little fact was not enough to keep her mind from wondering and imagining the scenario in which he took his last breath. It was in that night that her hatred for the Ice Nation began. She would never admit it, for emotions were weakness.

**I paced around for hours on empty.**

**I jumped at the slightest of sounds.**

As the night drew on and Lexa knew she would not be getting any sleep, she slipped from her bed. By the time the sky began to lighten she no longer paid attention to her surroundings. She paced the length of her tent in silence, every so often glancing through the open tent flap to the red smoke. She didn’t hear Anya enter her tent.

“Alexandria, it is time.” The soft words of her mentor, her First, caused Lexa to jump. Her hand flew to the hilt of her dagger and green eyes snapped to brown. “It’s okay, Lex.”

Lexa said nothing in return.

The next hours were spent readying the sixteen year old nightblood. She was fit into her armor and her warpaint was applied. Anya made sure her braids were done as well, lest the Commander’s Spirit decide her unworthy.

Lexa felt the movement of Anya’s fingers halt and she stood from the ground. Anya did the same and smoothed out the younger girl’s armor.

“Whatever happens out there, Lexa kom Trikru, you have made me proud as my Second.

**I’m colder than this home.**

**I’m meaner than my demons.**

As the sun began to peak over the horizon, Lexa stepped from her tent. Almost immediately a blonde threw herself into Lexa’s arms. Lexa froze instantly and looked down at the girl.

“Lexa, I can’t believe this, promise me you’ll make it out, promise me. I can’t…” The girl’s babble was cut off when Lexa shoved her away. Emotions were weakness. Love was weakness. She could no longer be weak. She had to close herself off.

“Cos, I can’t make you any promises.” The look that fell upon the blonde’s face nearly broke Lexa’s heart. “I may die by the end of the day. It is our way.”

Lexa would not and could not let the pain at seeing Costia’s face fall, appear on her own features. It hurt her to tell the girl she loved that she would possibly die on this day and never come back.

“I…. I love you, Lexa.”

Lexa stared at Costia for a moment, rotating her jaw. She said nothing before turning to the horse that had been brought to her. She put one foot in the stirrup and used her body to swing herself over the saddle.

“Good bye, Costia.” She did not look down at the blonde as she dug her heels into the side of the horse. Riding off towards Polis she kept telling herself not to look back. She could not allow herself that pleasure. She could not allow herself a last glance. For if she did, her will power might just come crumbling down.

**And all the kids cried out,**

**“Please stop you’re scaring me.”**

**I can’t help this awful energy.**

At dawn they prepared Jaxon’s body for his pyre. By midday they broke for lunch. They would burn Jaxon’s body at sundown after the end of the battles. He would be burned with the dead natblidas.

The battles had begun just as the sun rose to its highest peak. One on one the rounds went. Each winner would move on. The first round was easy for the brunette. A seventeen year old boy, Karl, she had never liked. His life was easy to end, hid black blood painting her skin. The second round was no so easy. A fourteen year old girl, Ana. Lexa had never had anything against her. She actually thought the girl was sweet. But those emotions were not allowed, they were weakness and she shoved them away. Ana’s black blood joined Karl’s.

The third round though… She was matched up with Luna. Luna was her friend. Friends meant emotions though and emotions were weakness. She just had to keep telling herself that. As she sat in the sun, waiting for the second round of fights to draw to an end, she kept telling herself emotions were weakness.

They all retired to the Commander’s Tower for the evening. Once again Lexa did not sleep, unsure of how she was going to go about the next day. How she was going to go about killing Luna.

The sun rose and they all met in the arena again. Titus stood in the center of the sanded arena, his arms folded behind his back. Lexa only counted three nitblidas including herself. They were missing someone. They were missing Luna. The time ticked by and yet the curly haired woman did not appear.

Sometime later a messenger strolled across the sand and pulled Titus to the side. Lexa could tell the flamekeeper was irritated. When Titus came back the messenger was leaving quickly.

“Luna is natrona. Luna is a coward. She has fled and forfeited. My scouts will find her and she will be taken care of.”

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat. Luna had fled, but if Titus’ scouts found her she would die anyway. Lexa felt bad for her friend. She had to kill her brother yesterday and now she couldn’t even bow out of the Conclave.

“Lexa go sit. Phoenix, Nikolas.” Titus nodded towards the center of the arena as he moved towards the side.

Lexa nodded and obeyed. She watched the two others thinking it unfair that the two were paired. Phoenix was the youngest in their Conclave, only being thirteen years old. Nikolas was nearly eighteen and almost twice as tall as the girl. Lexa remained silent on her thoughts as she watched the two.

Where Nikolas had the advantage of being bigger, Phoenix impressed with how quick and nimble she was. Nikolas would bring his sword down and towards the younger girl and in the blink of an eye, Phoenix would be out of his reach.

Phoenix spear up against Nikolas’ sword, twisting her body as she held the sword away from her body. She twisted until she was behind him. In an instant she withdrew her spear and brought it hard against his side. Nikolas whipped around to face the girl just in time for her to knock his sword from his grip. Nikolas lunged at her, giving her all the leverage she needed to run her spear clear through his midsection.

The larger boy stood frozen, his eyes wide as he stared shocked at the little girl who had won the battle. Phoenix stepped back as Nikolas fell to the ground. Lexa watched as the sword continued to push through the boy’s middle. Phoenix stepped forward and yanked her spear the rest of the way through Nikolas’s middle. Lexa took a deep breath and pushed herself from the seat in the arena’s stands.

The two girls followed Titus from the arena as guards came to collect Nikolas’s body. The final battle would take place in the city center, instead of the training arena, where all could watch.

Arriving in the center of the city Lexa was not surprised to see the many faces who had come to watch to see who would be the next Commander. She could hear murmurs from the crowd but could not understand anything being said. Her mind was lost. She had one more opponent to kill before she could claim the title of Heda as her own. And that opponent just happened to be a thirteen year old girl… a girl covered in black blood.

Lexa’s eyes moved through the crowd as Titus spoke. Her movements froze when she spotted hair so white she could not, not recognize it. Costia. She swallowed as eyes the color of summer leaves met eyes the color of the dark ocean waters. No, she could not feel. She could not let any emotions through. She had to keep herself closed off.

“Lexa kom Trikru and Phoenix kom Sankru. One will be your next Commander. Let the fight begin.”

Lexa’s attention was drawn back to Titus and the other girl upon hearing his words. She reached behind her, grabbing one of her swords from its sheath. Dried blood flaked and floated away from her face, she having not taken a bath the night before. She took a deep steadying breath as she watched the girl, waiting for her first move.

The two girls moved around each other with a grace that only came from years of training. Each blow was blocked as both girls continued to try to make first blood. Lexa would bring her sword down just for it to be stopped by Phoenix’s spear. Phoenix would twist around Lexa and try to bring her spear against the older girl and Lexa would block it.

This went on for some time, the two girls dancing around one another. Blood had been drawn and was bleeding down their faces, their arms, their torsos and onto the brick below them. Black as night.

Lexa caught sight of Costia once more and it distracted Lexa just long enough for Phoenix to knock her sword from her hand and knock her back with the blunt end of her spear. Lexa grunted as her back hit the ground and she looked up at the girl. A spear to her throat and she thought for just a moment that this might be it. But the girl had left an opening and Lexa took it.

She flung her legs up and wrapped them around the smaller girl’s waist. She twisted and it sent Phoenix flying into the ground. Lexa was quick to get up despite the ache in her back. She kicked the spear away from the smaller girl and looked down at her. Lexa straddled Phoenix’s midsection, pinning the girl’s hands under her knees and stared down at her. Summer leaves had turned to emeralds in their coldness. She took a steadying breath as she reached for the dagger in her boot.

In an instant Lexa brought the blade up and against the girl’s throat. Blood the color of night spurted from the wound and covered the sixteen year old girl. The crowd around her erupted into cheers. The horn was sounded. The clans had their new Heda. But Lexa was not celebrating with them. She still sat atop the dead girl, the girl’s face forever ingrained in her mind.

It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she came back to reality. She looked up to see Anya standing above her. The Trikru leader offered her hand and Lexa took it, letting her former First pull her up.

“You’ve made me proud… Heda.” Anya pulled Lexa close, leaning down to whisper in her ear the following words. “I’ll stay in Polis as long as you need. Costia insisted I bring her.” She pulled away slightly and held the younger girl’s hand up.

Lexa forced a smile to play across her lips. She had won the Conclave, she should be elated. She rose her hands and instantly the crowd quieted.

“I will purify myself and take the Flame. Tonight we honor Heda Jaxon kom Trikru and those natblida lost.”

The clansmen erupted into cheers again. Lexa turned on her heel and made her way towards the Commander’s Tower. She had never felt so cold before than she did in that moment, covered in the blood of three other children.

**Who is in control?**


	2. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costia is upset by the stand offish Lexa she had dealt with lately and talks to Lexa, bringing up a couple memories of their past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I have no beta. All mistakes are my own. Feel free to leave any conductive criticism, things you want to see or song ideas to use.

Another day of constant council meetings with the clans’ ambassadors had set Lexa on edge. Two years she had been at this. Two years spent trying to unite the twelve clans, Azgeda being the last holdout. She knew this wouldn’t be easy. It had taken months of negotiations for the first clan to fall into alliance next to Trikru. The Glowing Forest Clan had always been Trikru’s closest and most trusted, but they still held out. Once they fell into agreement with the young Heda, it seemed that one by one the other clans did as well. But Azgeda. There was nothing she could do to please Azgeda. No promises she could make to get them to fall into line and it simply drove the eighteen year old mad.

Pushing past the doors to her room, she strode in in silence, ignoring the form sprawled across her bed.

“Lex….”

Lexa continued to ignore the blonde as she worked at the many straps that kept her armor in place. A deep sigh moved past parted lips as she heard her name again.

“Not now, Costia.” She muttered as she sat her shoulder pauldron to the side and began to work at the other straps.

She had removed the majority of the pieces of armor before she felt delicate fingers brush through her hair, gently removing the pieces of leather that held her braids in place. Lexa froze for a moment before stepped away and towards her balcony, hearing a sigh behind her.

“What happened to the girl I used to know?”

Lexa rotated her jaw before turning to face the blonde she had desperately tried to make go back to Trikru lands. Costia simply was not safe in Polis, especially not while Lexa was pissing off Azgeda in an attempt to get the Ice Nation to join her Coalition. The Ice Nation had long since been Trikru’s enemy and Lexa knew Costia could be used against her, putting the blonde in danger. But Costia was stubborn and always returned until Lexa just simply didn’t return her to Anya’s care.

“That girl died the day she was forced to kill children she grew up with. She disappeared the moment all these voices started running around in my head. Jaxon won’t let me be about letting Luna leave. And then she has twelve ambassadors yelling at her every day…. She’s gone Costia and either you can return to Trikru with Anya as I have tried to make you do several times, or you can deal with it.”

A heavy sigh left her lips when she saw the hurt look pass over blue hues. She closed her eyes for a moment, removing the last of her armor and moving back into the room. She sat the piece of leather aside and moved towards Costia.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, pulling the blonde into her arms. She leaned her forehead against Costia’s. “I’m sorry.” She repeated.

“Let me tell you a story, Lexa. A little girl six years old has lost both her parents to the mountain. She is currently under the care of a clan leader. Another little girl, almost six years old… she too has lost her parents, but they sold her to the highest bidder who let her freeze in the ice and cold. She ran away…” Lexa said nothing as she was pulled into the memories.

**Feeling alive all over again**

_Lexa stood next to Anya in the clan leader’s tent. She had been Anya’s second for two years now. They had an unwelcome guest, at least that’s what the guards had told them. Anya had requested that the person be brought before them._

_When the guards next stepped into the tent it was to shove a small Azgeda girl towards them. Her blonde hair was matted and her blue eyes dulls. She stumbled and fell to her knees, looking up at Anya and Lexa before quickly looking back down at her bound hands in front of her. Lexa looked between the girl and her mentor, wanting to go and unbind her hands and help her too her feet._

_“Has the Queen sent you here to gather information?” Anya asked in English. The smaller girl looked utterly confused at the English words. Anya spoke them again in Trigedasleng and the girl quickly shook her head no and seemed to shake._

_“Take her away, get whatever information you can from her.”_

_Lexa’s eyes flew to meet her mentors before she stepped forward and quickly withdrew the knife at her waist. The smaller girl quickly got to her feet and stumbled back. “Em ste oki. Ai nou harm.” Lexa spoke soothingly, shrugging Anya’s warning hand off. At six years old, Lexa was already learning to stand up for what she believed in._

_When the girl didn’t move back again, Lexa moved forward and cut her hands free. “Hod op. Em ste ain.” She snapped when the guards moved forward to stop her. They instantly stopped, their eyes flickering to Anya. Lexa may be the Second in the clan, but Anya was her First. Anya’s word was the only word that could overrule the child. When Anya shrugged they let the two girls leave the tent. Lexa didn’t know why she did it, there was just something about the girl._

The silence that had fallen over the room was nearly tangible. Lexa opened her eyes, locking them with Costia’s as a frown overcame her lips. She had come far from who she was then.

“But that’s not it.” Costia murmured, pulling Lexa towards the oversized fur covered bed. “You were always there for me, my best friend, until you became something more.

_“Nodataim.” Lexa commanded._

_The fifteen year old girl looked down at the blonde. She had taken Costia under her wing the day she had lead her away from Anya’s tent, the day she had saved her life. In the nine years since, Lexa had taught Costia much. Currently they were sparring. Lexa had knocked Costia down several times, each time giving the blonde pointers on how to improve her technique, but each new round ended the same – with Costia on the ground._

_“Ge smak daun, gyon op nodataim.” Lexa said, reaching out to help Costia up._

_Costia took Lexa’s hand, but instead of letting the brunette help her up, the blonde pulled her down. At first Lexa scowled at the girl before bursting into a fit of laughter. The laughter was cut off when suddenly the blonde was on top of her, pinning her hands to the ground._

**Looking at you, holding my breath**

**For once in my life I’m scared to death**

_Lexa’s eyes roamed Costia’s face, the way the sun shone on the skin paler than her own, the way the sun bounced off the white blonde curls. It was as if Lexa was seeing the girl’s beauty for the first time. Her beauty stunned Lexa and for once Lexa was speechless._

**I’m taking a chance,**

**Letting you inside**

_After a moment, Lexa shook herself back into reality. She flipped them, pinning Costia to the ground. Her green eyes were alight with a playfulness only Costia was privy to anymore._

_“Don’t think you can win so easily.” Lexa murmured. She bit her lower lip as she gazed down at Costia. Costia’s smile seemed to bring a lightness and relief to Lexa. Without thinking Lexa leaned down and pressed her lips to the blonde’s. Slowly she relaxed her hold on the blonde, her fingers moving tenderly to cup Costia’s cheeks._

**I’m feeling alive all over again**

**As deep as the sky that’s under my skin**

**Like being in love, she says, for the first time**

**Maybe I’m wrong, I’m feeling right**

**Where I belong with you tonight**

_Lexa broke the kiss and gazed down at Costia for another moment before swallowing and moving off the girl. Her cheeks flushed, showing just a hint of grey tint under her skin as compared to the pink that colored Costia’s cheek._

“I want that Lexa back. I want the girl back that had fun, that knew how to relax, and the girl who almost always smiled at me when I walked into the room.”

Lexa smiled softly and leaned over the girl where they had crawled into bed together. She gently nipped Costia’s lip before gently placing a kiss to those same lips.

“Ai hod yu in.” Lexa murmured.


	3. Let it hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I don't have a beta. Reviews are always welcome!

Lexa was sitting on the edge of her balcony, legs dangling over the crumbling edge as she gazed out at the ocean in the distance. The ambassadors had finally gone home. It had been nearly three years since she had become Heda and she was still no closer to getting Azgeda to join the coalition as she had been the previous year. As the sun was setting Lexa let her mind wonder, but maybe that wasn’t the best thing. In mere minutes the previous Commanders had pulled her away from reality and into the world the Flame held.

_“The clans are going to think you weak, Azgeda will continue to push against you as long as you show weakness. It started with letting Luna leave and now you still have that Azgeda girl by your side.”_

_Lexa straightened her back, green eyes falling on the man who had taught her everything she knew when it came to being Heda. “Well hello to you too, Jaxon. Did Everlei not teach your manners?” She swallowed when the bulky man took a step towards her._

_When she saw a small hand appear on the man’s arm she continued, thankful for Everlei’s presence. “I am Heda now, you are not. If there is one thing that you taught me it was to stand up for what I believed. Luna ran, she is a coward, she is not a threat to my rule. Floukru was one of the first to bend to my will over the Coalition. As for Costia, she is not going anywhere. She is mine as she has been since I was six years old. And she is no more Azgeda than you or I, Jaxon.”_

_“Alexandria your feelings for this girl will be your downfall. She clouds your judgement and I fear for the day that she no longer wishes to be by your side. Be careful, Ale….”_

_Lexa had heard enough. Raising her hand, she smirked when the man silenced himself. “I will not hear this from you again, Jaxon.” She turned her gaze to the woman who had ruled before Jaxon. Everlei was small and quiet, but she had ruled with an iron fist. “Thank you, Everlei.” She murmured._

_“You are welcome, Alexandria. Do not make me second guess my interference.” The words were softly spoken. Lexa nodded before forcefully pulling herself from the world contained within the flame._

“Lexa. Are you just going to ignore me?”

Lexa jumped at the sound of Costia’s voice. She turned around to look at her over her shoulder. “I’m sorry ai hodnes.” She murmured softly. She stood from the edge of the balcony and made her way into the room.

**7:42 in the morning**

**8 seconds before it all sinks in**

Lexa woke to the sun streaming through the opened doors to her balcony. Something was off though. She stretched and rolled over, flinging her arm across the bed where Costia should have been. When she found nothing but cold furs, her eyes flew open.

“Costia?” She sat up, her eyes quickly scanning her bedroom. Finding it empty, she slipped from bed.

She dressed quickly, pulling on a black tank top and a pair of skin tight black jeans, she didn’t bother with her shoes. She exited her room quickly, brown hair flowing behind her as she moved down the hall. Seeing Titus she came to a stop behind him, reaching out to take his arm in her hold. He paused and turned to face her. The look on his face when he took in her appearance was one of displeasure.

“Have you seen Costia?” She asked before he could even think of speaking.

He shook his head in the negative. Lexa didn’t wait to hear his constant nags about having her in Polis, about how love was weakness. She pushed past him and made to move down the stairs.

As the sun set over the horizon she arrived in TonDC, demanding the Trikru army to be there the next morning.

**3:28 in the morning**

**Counting up the spaces between the rain**

**You’re getting’ used to the rocks at the bottom**

**Your heart goes numb, but the lonely stays the same**

It had been weeks and no one had seen Costia. Lexa hadn’t been back to Polis, instead preferring to stay in TonDC on the off chance that one of Trikru’s soldiers brought word of Costia, but they never did.

As the days went on, Lexa closed herself off. She stopped talking to anyone. She even started refusing to see Anya. She was beginning to fear the worst for her lover, beginning to fear that maybe Jaxon was right. Costia was her weakness. She would do anything to bring the blonde home.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. There was still no word of Costia. Lexa had returned to Polis. Her city needed her and though her heart ached, she pushed the feelings away. The light that had once been held within the young girl was gone. No one saw her smile anymore. She would get up in the morning, deal with clan disputes and retire for the evening. The next day would be the same.

**So let it hurt, let it bleed**

**Let it take you right down to your knees**

**Let it burn to the worst degree**

Her routine came to a screeching halt six months after Costia disappeared. Lexa had gone to bed the night before expecting to wake up and repeat her routine all over again. No one had brought her news of Costia and if she was honest, she had lost hope months ago of ever finding the girl.

The sound of seagulls on the ocean and the sun’s cheery rays streaming through her balcony doors, woke the young Heda. She glared at the sunny sky outside. How dare it be so bright when Costia was still missing? She sat up, placing her hands on the bed on either side of her to push herself from the bed.

She froze when her fingers made contact with something that didn’t quite feel the same as her furs. Slowly she turned her head to look at what her fingers were wrapped in. Her eyes widened and she cried out when she saw the decapitated head covered in white blonde hair.

“No.” She whimpered as she came to realize just what she was seeing. She stumbled backwards, falling off her bed in the process and let out a strangled sob. How could someone do this? Suddenly she knew who had done this. She shook her head, covering her face with her hands. Maybe if she couldn’t see it, it wouldn’t be real. She opened her eyes again and let out a sob again as she saw the head still laying in her bed.

Suddenly the doors to her room burst open and two guards along with Titus came into the room. Titus was instantly at her side while the guards quickly searched her room.

“Lexa…” The flamekeeper sighed, reaching out to gently touch her shuddering shoulder. “I am so sorry.”

“No!” Lexa snapped, pushing him away as she got to her feet. “Don’t touch me! Don’t say you’re sorry when you’re not!”

“Hed…”

“Shut up!” Lexa interrupted the man, her eyes looking between the bloody mess of blonde curls and the man who had always tried to convince her that love was weakness. “I want Azgeda dead! I want the Queen brought to me. They cannot get away with this.” The sobbing mess she had been was gone, replaced by a coldness Titus had ever seen in the young Commander.

“Lexa, you must think this through. You cannot just wage war because they killed your lover.”

“Head before heart, I know Titus and I honestly do not care. Get out!” She snapped to the three men.

**Put your best face on for the world**

**Fake another smile and just pretend**

Nearly a week had passed. Titus and the guards had left her that day to wallow in her pain, but they had not followed her kill order. Now they brought before her the Ice Queen. But Lexa was no longer filled with rage. She was filled with nothing, having closed her heart off and turned her emotions off.  She no longer cared about anything except what was best for her people.

“And so you agree to the terms of this alliance?” Lexa questioned, her tone void of any emotion, colder than even the coldest of nights in an Azgeda winter.

Nia stared the young Commander down before nodding. “I swear fealty to you, Heda of the twelve clans.”

Lexa stared at the woman, knowing this was far from over, but for now it would do.


End file.
